


I'll Love You Through Everything.

by LucindaRemyJohnson



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Love Confessions, Romance, Smut, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:08:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26433907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LucindaRemyJohnson/pseuds/LucindaRemyJohnson
Summary: The War's been raging on for over 3 years now, Draco Malfoy's been an Order spy for 2, and he's loved Hermione Granger for surely going on 10. Lemon.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Comments: 18
Kudos: 263





	I'll Love You Through Everything.

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Polski available: [Będę cię kochać ponad wszystko](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28943076) by [Ninelotta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninelotta/pseuds/Ninelotta)



> Things are kind of rough lately. I'm trying. I hope you are too.

_**March 14th 1999** _

If anyone would've told me I'd be in a fucking tent in the middle of nowhere with Potter, Weasley, and Granger, I would've laughed in their face.

If anyone would've told me I'd be helping the Golden Trio find Horcruxes to defeat Voldemort, my father _surely_ would've heard about it.

If anyone would've told me I'd be so completely, utterly, fucking _idiotically_ in love with Hermione Granger, I would've hexed them into next week.

Yet, somehow, all of those things were true.

_Every single fucking one._

And it was infuriating.

Infuriating because she had no bloody idea, the brilliant witch.

"You should get some sleep, Malfoy."

Her voice - her _infuriatingly_ perfect voice - pulled me from my thoughts as I looked up at her.

Everyone looked like shite, and honestly she was no different.

_Except she fucking was, because I still found her bloody beautiful._

Her hair was a mess around her shoulders, likely from another shite few hours of sleep. She wore a pair of sweatpants and a tanktop, her arms crossed over her chest as she shifted from foot to foot, her plump bottom lip caught between her teeth.

"I can't sleep anyway." I said, leaning back against the tree I'd sat at the base of, "I'm alright to keep watch."

She sighed, looking back at the tent for a moment before taking a seat beside me, close enough that her shoulder grazed my own.

"You say that every time it's my turn to take over for you." she said softly, her eyes focused on the small fire I'd kept going. "Go to bed, Malfoy."

It was hard not to stare at her. Not to get lost in the planes of her face. Not to count every freckle - _thirty-three_ \- that dotted her cheeks and the bridge of her nose. Not to imagine the pillowy softness of her lips as they pressed against my own. Not to -

"You go to bed." I said, forcing a stop to my ridiculous fantasies.

What could a woman like Granger ever see in a Death Eater like me?

"I'm not going anywhere." she said resolutely, little button-nose in the air.

"Well neither am I."

And it was true. There was no point. The only sleep I managed to get was plagued with twisting nightmares of snakes and red eyes and Him and _her_.

The dreams with her were the worst. As they deserved to be, I supposed. If there was a God, it was certainly his way of punishing me for every vile thing I'd done in my past.

It was always a sharp reminder of why it was _absolutely fucking ridiculous_ that I even _wanted_ this beautiful woman sat beside me. It was an insult to everything that she was that I'd even entertain the _idea_ of her wading through the mud and dirt and shite for _me_.

People were _dead_ because of me. Classmates, friends - _children_. Children just like us. Innocent.

Except I wasn't innocent.

She was, though.

* * *

_**April 21st, 1999** _

I'd never even fucking apologized to her.

Salazar, how many times had I wanted to open my _fucking mouth_ and beg her for forgiveness I didn't deserve? How many times had I wanted to tell her that my cowardice wasn't an excuse? How many _fucking times_ had I prayed to gods I didn't believe in for the bloody courage to tell her how _fucking sorry I was_?

Sorry for what happened to her in my home. Sorry for standing there while she _begged_ for it to stop - for someone to help her. Sorry for drawing my wand to keep her there. Sorry for _every single fucking time_ that vile word left my lips. Sorry for treating her like dirt out of my own twisted fear and jealousy. Sorry for _everything_ I'd _ever_ done to her that made me unworthy of loving her now. Everything that ever made her doubt just how beautiful she really was - inside and out.

Because she was _so_ fucking beautiful. Her _soul_ was beautiful.

The way she selflessly helped others at the risk and often detriment to herself. The way she was always there for those who needed her, _whenever_ they needed her. The way she bloody risked her life for Potter and Weasley and Longbottom and Lovegood, and everyone, and _me_.

_Me._

She'd saved _me_.

And now all I could do - all I could _fucking fathom_ \- was showing her in any way that I could that all I ever wanted to do was save her and protect her and bloody _love her_.

"Are you really not going to sleep?" she asked from beside me, the same familiar darkness wrapping around us.

"No," I said, as I did every time she tried to take watch.

Suddenly my train of thought was cut off by the sharp stinging pain in my arm, and I couldn't help the grunt that slipped past my lips. So far Potter had been the only one to witness when Voldemort called for us.

And of course it would've been too much to ask that she _not_ be witness to it.

I could nearly feel the snake slithering under the skin of my forearm, dark magic burning like venom through my veins as I tried to clench my teeth through it. It never lasted long anyway. If I could just -

"Is it very painful?" she asked softly, her voice cutting through the heavy silence even as she kept her eyes trained forward.

I said nothing, afraid that if I opened my mouth I wouldn't be able to keep the screams in. Wouldn't be able to keep in all the words I'd wanted her to know for _years_. Instead, I closed my eyes, locking my jaw as I willed the pain to _end_ , unable to stop the slight tremors that began to shake my shoulders.

When the torturous call finally ended and I was left with nothing more than shaking limbs and a slight sheen of sweat above my brow, she spoke again.

"Did you take it in Sixth?"

It seemed like a lifetime ago, though in reality it'd been just shy of three years - Salazar, _three fucking years_. This pointless war had been destroying _everything_ for over _three years_.

It didn't seem real.

Except we were proof enough that it was. Every agonizing second of living was utterly _saturated_ with the knowledge of all the _wasted time_. Years of our lives we'd never get back. Scars we'd carry on our bodies - our _minds_ \- forever.

"Yes," I ground out, holding my body taut to minimize my shaking - minimize the way my chest was tight and it was hard to breathe and _fuck I just wanted to tell her everything._

She said nothing as her hand rested delicately over my forearm, the only thing separating her from the disgusting Mark, the thin cotton layer of my shirt. Not enough.

Not nearly enough.

I tensed further if it was even possible, tugging my arm away from her, but her fingers dug in, unrelenting.

" _Pax_ ," she whispered, the familiar feel of her magic swirling around me, seeping into my bones, and stilling my trembling, easing the nausea that rolled through my stomach at the feel of the Mark on my skin.

"You haven't done that in a while." I said, trying to fill the silence. Lighten the mood.

"You haven't let me in a while." she said, finally looking at me, toffee eyes scanning my face.

She was right. I hadn't.

It was a waste of magic. I deserved to feel _every single fucking bit of it_.

"Why don't you just go back to bed, Granger?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Nightmare." she said simply, turning her attention back to the flames.

"Do you want to -"

She shook her head almost violently, curls flying around her face as she said, "No. No, it's fine. I'm fine."

Was she trying to convince me or herself?

"What do you think you'll do once all this is over?"

I arched an eyebrow that she couldn't see in the dark before asking, "What makes you think I'm making it to the end of this?"

Her eyes snapped to mine and I nearly choked on the intensity I saw there. She was _furious_.

"Why would you even say that?" she asked, "Of course you're -"

I couldn't help the humorless snort that tore from my throat as I interrupted her, "I'll be lucky to make it to the end of the month, let alone when all of this is over. And let's say - on the _off chance_ \- that I'm still breathing when this ends, what makes you think I'll have any choice in the matter?"

"Of course you'll have a choice. The Order -"

"The Order can't protect me from being tried for what I did, Granger - I _deserve it_."

She shook her head, golden magic sparking in her eyes as she hissed, " _No you don't_. You're helping us now. You've _been_ helping us. You're -"

"Too little, too late, love." I murmured, enjoying the pink tint to her cheeks more than I should.

But simple things like that were a rarity these days, and I'd selfishly savor them while I had the opportunity.

"It's never too late." she argued, shaking her head, "Everyone deserves a second chance."

"So you'd give me a second chance?" I questioned, eyes narrowed, "After all the _vile_ things I said and did to you, you would honestly -"

"I already have." she interrupted softly, "I gave you that second chance over two years ago, Malfoy, and there's not a single day that I've regretted it."

My lungs tightened at her words, breath leaving me as the fucking _levity_ of what she'd said really hit me.

"If you think that I don't notice how you look at me, like - like -" she broke off for a moment, clearing her throat before continuing, "Like you're just _so bloody sorry_ for everything - Merlin it makes my chest hurt - but you _have_ changed and you _deserve_ a second chance."

"Granger -"

"No, really." she continued, "For the past two years you've been risking your life playing double-agent, putting up with everyone's judgement, not to mention the _danger_ \- stop being a martyr. You're a _good person_. You _chose_ our side."

Didn't she get it? None of that made up for it. None of it would _ever_ fucking make up for it. The Mark on my arm _right fucking now_ denounced everything she was. Every brilliant aspect of her personhood was _hated_ by the very magic that seemed to coat every disgusting piece of my being.

I'd never get clean of it.

She huffed in annoyance, taking my chin between her thumb and index finger as she said, "Draco Malfoy, you _are_ a good person. I know that with more certainty than anything else. You deserve forgiveness. You deserve a second chance. You _deserve_ happiness."

"I don't deserve any of that, Granger." I said quietly, turning my face away from her.

She wasn't having it though, pressing the palms of her hands to my cheeks as she said, " _Yes you do_. I forgive you. I _forgave_ you. Every single thing that you did and everything you think is your fault but _isn't."_

A strangled sound left my throat as I managed to choke out, "I don't deserve forgiveness from you - of all people, not you - I never even fucking _said_ -"

"You didn't have to say it." she whispered, eyes shiny with unshed tears that made my fucking chest ache, "It was in your eyes every second of every day. It was in the way you offered to keep watch when I was too exhausted to keep my eyes open. It was in the way you jumped in front of that curse in my place. It was in the way you tried to ease my nightmares when your own left you begging and broken in the middle of the night. It was in _everything_ you _ever_ did for me."

I had no idea what came over me, but suddenly I was crushing her to my chest, words of apology falling from my lips like my useless prayers did, and _fuck_ _, she'd known the whole time what I couldn't say_.

"I'm so sorry. So fucking sorry."

The words were like a mantra. Like the lyrics to a song that wouldn't leave my head.

Like everything she'd ever deserved to hear from me.

"I know." she said gently, her arms as tight around me as mine were around her.

"I'm sorry for everything." I choked out, the sound rough even to my own ears as emotion clogged my throat, "Sorry that I just stood there and fucking _watched_ you -"

"Malfoy -"

"You were _begging_ , and I just _fucking stood there_. I did _nothing_. I _always_ did _nothing_. I -"

"That was _not_ your fault." she said fiercely.

"How can you say that?"

"Because never once, _never once_ , have I _ever_ had a nightmare with you in it. Bellatrix and your father and _Him_ and Harry and Ron - but you? _Not once._ "

I didn't know what to say - what _could_ I say? She'd somehow managed to lift a weight so crushing from my chest that I could _breathe_ and _how the fuck_ was I supposed to put into words what that meant to me?

* * *

_**May 3rd, 1999** _

This wasn't happening. We were supposed to be _safe_ here. _She_ was supposed to be safe here.

Isn't that why they called it a _fucking safe house_?

But it didn't matter, because Granger's blood was covering my hands and her jumper and the floor and _fuck_ she was so fucking pale.

"Malfoy," she wheezed out, fingers digging into my shirt, smearing acrid crimson there as well, "The Horcrux. You have to get -"

I could give two shites about the stupid fucking Horcrux that sat upstairs in the concealed drawer of her nightstand - she was _dying_.

"I'm getting you out of here." I snapped, keeping one hand pressed to the open wound on her stomach and grabbing my wand with the other.

"You can't -"

It wasn't an option. I couldn't have left her if I _tried_. There was no way she was dying. Not here. Not now. Not in _my_ fucking arms.

Someone else would remember. They would grab it.

And if they didn't, I didn't give a shite. As long as she was alive, I didn't give a shite about anything.

Of course they _did_ remember, and by the time Potter showed up at the new safe house with the Horcrux in his pocket, Granger was left with naught more than another scar and a slightly pale complexion.

"Why did you choose to save me?"

Her voice was quiet, almost as though she was afraid of me hearing her and giving her an answer.

"I'll always choose to save you." I found myself saying, "Every chance that I get, I'll always choose you, Granger."

Her eyes widened at my admission, lips slightly parted as she stared at me.

"Malfoy," she whispered, the fingers of her right hand coming up to rest against my cheek and _Salazar,_ she was _so fucking beautiful_.

Instead of saying anything else, instead of pulling away, she pushed up onto her toes and pressed her lips to mine.

And _fuck_ if it wasn't the most peaceful I'd felt in _years_.

* * *

_**June 5th, 1999** _

"Happy birthday, Malfoy."

The whispered words that fanned across my bare chest meant more than I could've managed to put into words.

_She'd remembered_.

Though, of _course_ she had.

My arms tightened around her, whether voluntarily or not, I wasn't sure, but it didn't matter. Her warm, soft body was pressed against my own, and for this moment - _just this moment_ \- she was solely mine.

There was no war. No death. No bloodshed. No evil to destroy.

It was just her and I, lying in a bed completely entangled in each other. Hearts beating out the same rhythm.

What I wouldn't give to have this every day. To wake up each morning and go to sleep each night with her at my side.

_Peacefully._

But I wouldn't be selfish - couldn't be. I was lucky to share even these brief and fleeting moments with her.

"Thank you, love." I murmured, pressing a kiss to the wild, curling mane of her hair.

She turned her head, pressing a soft kiss to my throat before saying, "Harry's letting us stay here today."

I sat up, pulling her with me as I searched her face.

"No. We're at _war_. This is just another day. There's no reason -"

"Please," she whispered, beautiful eyes clouding with tears I'd seen all too many times, "Just for today. Please just stay with me. Stay _safe_."

I closed my eyes, resting my forehead against her own as I held her.

It wasn't fair that I'd get a day off. I was the most undeserving out of the lot of them - but it was a hard opportunity to pass up. Being able to stay here with Granger, knowing that _she_ was safe...Salazar, it's all I ever wanted.

"Okay, we'll stay."

The smile that overtook her face was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. The genuine relief and happiness was unparalleled, and regardless of how selfish and foolish and unfair the decision, I was _so fucking glad_ I'd agreed.

She effortlessly slid onto my lap, the blanket falling and exposing her naked body to my undeserving gaze.

" _Fuck,_ " I murmured, hands ghosting up her sides to cup her breasts, "You're so perfect."

A soft smile slid onto her face and she leaned down, capturing my lips in a kiss as my hands slid to her hips.

It was impossible not to feel how wet she was against me, and I wasn't surprised when she was lifting up and then she was -

" _Oh gods,_ " she gasped, head thrown back in pleasure as she sank all the way down onto my throbbing shaft.

She felt perfect. There was no place better than between her thighs, of that I was certain.

Her nails dug into my chest and I was sure that the hands I had at her hips would leave bruises come morning - but fuck, I never wanted this moment to end.

"Come here." I murmured, one hand moving to her hair, tangling in the wild tresses and pulling her down into a kiss.

Her fingers were in my hair, her sharp pants and moans swallowed by my mouth as I pushed my hips up to meet her thrusts.

She broke away, her breath fanning against my neck as I smacked her arse, relishing in her fevered moans as my lips and teeth explored her breasts.

"I'm going to come." she hissed against me, her thighs already shaking as her walls began to flutter around me.

"Do it." I encouraged, "Let go. Come for me. Let me feel you."

And then she was.

And _fuck_ , she was a _goddess_.

I didn't deserve her.

Didn't deserve to see her like this. To feel her like this.

To _love_ her like this.

But I did.

Fuck, I did, and I was so fucking grateful there was no way words would even come close to capturing the feeling.

I wasted little time flipping our positions, resting on my forearms above her so that our chests were pressed together. Not an inch of space between us.

Breath for breath. Heartbeat for heartbeat.

What I wouldn't give to make her mine. To take her away from here, from the war. To have her every day and every night and never worry. To see her in a white dress.

What I wouldn't give to have the opportunity to see her carry my child - and I'd swear on Salazar that it could be a little girl who ended up in Hufflepuff and never took to riding a broom, and I would still love her with every broken shred of me.

And then I really couldn't stop myself from saying it.

" _I love you so fucking much._ "

I felt and heard her breath hitch, her eyes immediately welling with tears as her hands came up to cup my cheeks.

"Say it again." she whispered, intense toffee gaze holding mine as I continued slowly rocking into her.

"I love you, Hermione." I repeated, pressing a soft kiss to her surprised lips, "I love you so fucking much."

And then tears were spilling over her cheeks and her face was buried against my neck, but all I could focus on were her words.

"I love you. I love you so much. I love you."

She repeated the words over and over again, and I knew I wasn't going to last - though with the overwhelming way she was fluttering around me, I knew she wouldn't last much longer either.

"Come with me, love." I murmured, capturing her lips in another kiss as I sped up my thrusts.

I swallowed all her moans, smothering some of my own as she shattered around me and pulled me right along with her.

In the moments that followed, there was silence.

We were used to silence by now though, and there was nothing disconcerting about it.

_Hermione Granger bloody loved me_.

There wasn't a luckier bastard on the planet than me.

And Salazar help me, but I'd spend every last moment until my dying breath proving why I deserved her.


End file.
